Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Death of a Loved One



                        The night was silent. He had noticed nearly immediately the abrupt hush that had blanketed over the thicket as he entered. His muscles tensed and his ears perked as he settled into a sitting position, crossing his legs over each other. Bidzil listened intently; his dark blue eyes searched the hollow of the trees for any sign of abnormality. Just as annoyance began to fester in his stomach, and his lips curled into a derisive snarl, Abey slunk from the shadows.

                        Abey was a rather fetching artic wolf. She was older, age having colored her once pristine white coat a mild yellow tinge. The wolf moved slowly into the thicket, her ears twitching in the direction of the man sitting at the other end of the green expanse. Her head hung low as she analyzed the situation. With a swift bark in the human’s direction, Abey began to pace back and forth. Her green eyes never leaving the human.

                        Bidzil’s lips curled into defined snarl. He shook his head and uncrossed his legs. The man pulled himself to his feet, his shoulders hunched to mimic the wolf giving a surprisingly natural effect. He was fluid, lanky but toned. I didn’t think you’d show your face again, Abey.

                        Abey barked again, her tone conveying something of a chuckle. You think I’d let you get away with killing Leotie?

                        The mental exchange was tensed and familiar. The enemies had known each other for a very long time. Years upon years, lives upon lives, You know that Nodin is near. Bidzil growled, his lips smiling tentatively. It was true; the behemoth gray wolf lurked in the shadows, just out of sight and downwind. Do you have a clear attack? Bidzil acknowledged his life-mate singularly, Abey was weak without Leotie. She would be, regardless of her experience and age. Abey’s power would be set in half, at minimum, the arctic wolf had been without Leotie for at least three seasons. Abey must be feeling the pull of the Great Mother. Bidzil felt no remorse for her, Yes, came Nodin’s eventual reply. Even the darkened and gruff mental communication of his own wolf was jarring, Nodin was truly a powerful source wolf.

                        While Abey would never bond again, if Nodin died, Bidzil would just find another source to draw from, another mental bond to strengthen to strengthen his self. Bidzil flexed his fingers, he could feel the heat rising and the familiar feeling on the edge of snapping his fingers to ignite the flame. The sinister human hated these weaklings.

                        I will kill you, Bidzil, regardless of Nodin. And if you don’t watch out you’re going to have the East Wind Pack coming after you. Abey howled, loudly, it echoed through the thicket. It was the only noise present since the encounter had begun save the mild barks and growls. Bidzil wasn’t deterred… until he heard the return howls echo back. East Wind, Bidzil growled mentally to Nodin.

                        We do not yet have enough power to take an entire pack of bonded. Nodin replied. Bidzil could feel the gray wolf edging back away from Abey. Even if she didn’t know where exactly he was, having the East Wind Pack so close by was too dangerous to risk an encounter. They would have to kill Abey at another time.

                        Angered, Bidzil let the sizzle in his hand dissipate, his eyes never taken off of Abey as he began to retreat back into the covered woods. Just as Leotie, you will die Abey.

Inspiration Series: None.


Sorry for the lack of posting the last couple days, my work and admin duties at Solaria Weyr have kind of sucked up my life. Plus… dogs and carpet cleaning. Yuck.

1 comment:

  1. I was very confused during a lot of this post. Your prose in the first paragraph seriously made it sound like two wolves facing off against each other, and then suddenly you said 'human', and I had to struggle to figure out what you were talking about.

    Also, your way of using words breeds confusion. I wasn't sure who you were talking about sometimes, as you suddenly brought in other characters without any introduction, notably Leotie and Nodin. I had no idea that Leotie was a human until well after I'd been introduced to the name, and I wasn't sure what relation Nodin had for a while. I'll be honest--I assumed he was on Abey's side at first, though I couldn't tell you exactly why.

    It's intriguing, but you're throwing a little too much at us for such a short piece. You should focus on the relationship between the characters for something this short, leave out some of the extras that you would want to throw in if you had more time to show it to us. With some clarifying, this could be a good introduction to something longer, but it doesn't stand well on its own. It doesn't solve any of the problems you bring up. The ending is just a delay, a deus ex machina--the pack--swooping in to chase the murderer away, but with a promise to return that we'll never get to see.

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